I am very sorry for what happened to you when you were younger. Although it may seem like the wounds aren't going away, I want to assure you that healing is possible. It will not happen overnight, but you will be made whole again, if you are willing to put forth the effort. This healing will not mean amnesia, where you forget everything that happened. But, you can get to the point where you trust good guys, and you no longer play the events over and over in your mind, imagining what you would do differently.
First off, please do not blame yourself. Certainly, do what you can to avoid bad situations in the future, but do not carry the weight of the past on your shoulders. Your anxiety around guys is understandable, so if you feel safer when other girls are around you, that's fine. I do not think that this fear of even the good guys will last forever. But don't feel as if you need to be in a relationship right now. It's not the time. Now is the time to heal. Now is a time for you. The last thing you need is to jump too quickly into another relationship before you have healed. Don't look for a future boyfriend to heal you. Indeed, living in a pure and healthy relationship is helpful. But you need to prepare yourself for such a relationship by taking care of your own wounds first. Then you'll be ready to both give and receive the love you deserve.
If you have not talked to an adult about what happened, I beg you do this. Go to a parent, a counselor, or anyone you trust. Sometimes, depending upon what happened, a little counseling can go a long way to help heal these things. When we keep them secret, and try to deal with them on our own, it's easy to feel defeated. But you are not alone. What you have suffered is not minor, and so it's important that you not try to heal by yourself. Get some help. It feels much better when you're able to let someone else help to carry the burden of your suffering.