I told my boyfriend we should be pure and he got quiet and upset. He consented, but was irritated that I made the decision on my own. We've been fighting more lately. He's perfect though, and I don't want to lose him. What do I do?

Step number one is to ask yourself the same question you just asked me. Sometimes we're so busy running around and listening to music, watching the TV, talking to friends, and messing around on the computer that we never take time to sit still and listen to our own hearts. If we do not make time for that silence, we'll have a very difficult time hearing our own intuitions.

After all, you want a guy who will resect your dignity, not a guy who will take from you sexually everything that you are willing to give him. Your boyfriend is not doing you an immeasurable favor by not having sex with you. It is his duty as a gentleman, and you owe him nothing for doing what he ought to do. If he is trying to make you feel guilty, then he's manipulating you. Don't be afraid that purity will cause him to leave you. If purity kills a relationship, then you can be sure that it was never built on love in the first place.

You implied that he was upset because you just made the decision to be pure, without consulting him. Well, you don't need a permission slip to care about yourself.

It should be a big warning sign to you that you have argued more since you told him of your decision for purity. He should be honored, not pouty. You did what was right, and if he is mad, so be it. It is better that he be mad than you lower your standards. Women today are so timid and afraid to hurt a guy's feelings that they often end up causing themselves immeasurable harm. Listen to you heart and follow your conscience.

You said that you don't want to break up with him because he is so perfect. But I ask you, is this your idea of a perfect guy? One who throws a tantrum because you won't sleep with him? One who gives you the silent treatment when you make a vow of purity? One who questions your decision to live by high standards instead of his? Really think about this. You want a man who will respect you, one who would challenge you to a higher standard if you wanted to sleep with him. Do not be afraid that love will pass you by if you leave this relationship. It just may open up the door for the kind of love you've wanted all long.