How can I stop being so flirty with guys?

To uproot a bad habit, you must find its cause. So, take a look at why you flirt so much. Odds are, it's because you enjoy the attention and playful affection of guys. Or, maybe you're frustrated that guys aren't pursuing you, and you feel the need to drop some hints. But beneath all of this is the true reason: you are made for love. However, when a girl is flirty and looking for love, she's shooting herself in the foot. To understand why, consider what goes on in the mind of a guy:

If a girl is flirty towards me, I'll presume that she's the same way around other guys. Strike one. If she's forward and suggestive towards me, it may be flattering at first, but I don't feel any deep awe for the woman. In fact, I almost feel sorry for her. It looks like she's man-begging. Strike two. Finally, if she's pursuing me, she's taken away the thrill of pursuing her. Strike three. She's out.

The following may sound politically incorrect, but it's true: a girl is out of place when she pursues. Likewise, the guy is out of place when he's the one who has to be swept off his feet. We all know it. Just imagine a guy leaning over his balcony at night, blushing as he listens to a young lady serenading him from the garden below. It's messed up!

There's a reason why girls long for the thrill of being wanted, pursued, and cherished. There's a reason why men long to win the love of a woman. These desires are built into us, in who we are as men and women. But instead of holding out for the real thing, by captivating a man with her charm and mystery, many girls throw on some tight jeans and a belly-button shirt and giggle playfully when guys degrade them with sexual jokes. Similarly, instead of pursuing a girl with integrity and purity, many men settle for meaningless hook-ups. Deep down, we know we've been created for something greater.

So, fight the desire to flirt with the deeper desire to love. As you have realized, flirting will not obtain for you the love you desire. There is a passing high that comes with the attention received when flirting. But when a woman sacrifices this feeling, she becomes free to pursue something more noble and romantic. And by doing so, she develops the character and courage that will make her most likely to find such love. True gentlemen still exist, and they're still in search of the true ladies.

To help you stop flirting, here are four tips:

1. You choose your friends, so choose wisely. If your circle of friends does not support your decision to be pure, you have to work on getting new friends. I do not know of a single person who has chosen to live a life of purity who has not lost some friends in the process. I know this is all easier said than done. But when we have a true change of heart, we'll gravitate towards better people. We won't want to pulled down any more. Believe it or not, there are people out there who can bring out the best in us. We just need to do some work and find them.

2. Realize that saying no is a lot easier when you avoid bad relationships before they begin. Temptations are much easier to turn away when you're at a distance. Imagine if a robber came to your house, and you saw him through the peep-hole. It's easiest to just lock the door. If you don't, he may try to open it. If he gets a foot in the door, it's harder to shut. But once he's fully in the house, it would seem nearly impossible to get him out. In the same way, the longer you take to reject a temptation, the more vulnerable you become, and the harder it is to resist. So as soon as you begin to think about flirting with a guy who you know is bad for you, stop.

3. Prepare yourself for the struggle. As you know, some guys gossip more than girls do. If a girl who used to flirt suddenly shows deep respect for herself, guys may give her a hard time. But this is only because their pride is hurt. They miss having around the weak-willed girl who would giggle at their perverted jokes. At first, they may joke about her change of heart. But if her change is lasting, they'll grow to respect her. Men would learn the value of women more quickly if women demanded more respect. (And conversely, women would learn their value more quickly if men showed more respect to them. We both play a role.)

4. Strengthen your will by forming your mind. As reinforcement, if you click here, you can listen to our chastity talk whenever you want (or read through the other teens' questions in the Q and A section on how to stay pure).

I know you desire love. As I said above, this is ultimately why you flirt. You enjoy the attention and affection. But you know deep in your heart that it's a counterfeit, a pacifier for having the courage to hold out for the real thing. So, instead of thinking that you have to snuff out your desires to flirt, realize that you have to fight those desires with a greater desire: the desire to respect yourself, and to find the love you deserve.

If you do these things, your desire for self respect and real love will deepen and overcome your desire for the passing high you get from flirting.