Here are a few tips for how to help your husband break free from his addiction, so that you can enjoy the marriage you deserve.
The first thing to do is to talk to him about it, if you have not already. You could even write him a long letter, if you feel that it would give you a better chance to get all your thoughts across. Because men have an innate pride, we never like to be told that we’re in the wrong, especially when we clearly are. Therefore, refrain from finger wagging and name calling, pointing out his disordered lust and shameful hobby.
Instead, tell him how it makes you feel as his wife. Tell him how important it is to you that you feel secure in his love. For you to be physically intimate with him requires great vulnerability and trust. But when you know he’s spending his free time imagining such intimacies with other women, you feel that it damages your ability to be close to him. It diminishes your desire to be close to him because you feel like he hasn’t fully given himself to you without reservation. When you promised to be true and faithful to one another, let him know that you want to be true to him with your body as well as with your heart and your imagination. If you think it would be helpful, you could ask him how he would feel if you stayed up late at night looking at impure images of other men.
Some women whose husbands are hooked on porn feel as if they’re not attractive enough for their husbands, and that’s why the men have turned elsewhere for excitement. However, realize that even the most perfectly airbrushed pornographic model is not enough for him, either. That’s why he goes from one image to the next. He has robbed himself of the ability to be captivated by any woman, regardless of how she looks. Don’t try to compete with these women, because they can’t even win his attention for more than a few seconds. You have a natural desire to want to be attractive to him, but ultimately you want to win his heart, not his lustful stares.
Most men who are hooked on pornography feel a deep shame about their habit. But they’re not sure how to break free. If he expresses an openness to breaking free, here are some things you might suggest to him: First, suggest that the two of you get a filter installed on the computer. www.seenoevilonline.com is a good place to start. Second, let him know that you want to help him and encourage him to win this battle. One way you can do this is by assuring him of your love, but still holding him accountable by keeping an eye on the history files on your computer. If you feel as if he’s deleting the history files to cover his tracks, you can install a piece of spy equipment known as a “keyboard logger” that can record the last million or more keystrokes on your computer.
Do not allow him to make you feel that you are a prude for asking him to be faithful to you with his eyes and his imagination. You want the whole person or nothing. Therefore, if he is obstinate in refusing to admit the immorality of his behavior, seek marital counseling. There may even be support groups for men in your area.
If he refuses to admit his problem or seek help, let him know that he needs to choose which kind of woman will be in his life (you or them), because he can’t have both.