Where, when, and how can I find the right girl for me?

Here is how many singles see the world of relationships: “The earth is 199 million square miles, for the record. My soul mate is out there somewhere. My job is to find her. It is a delicate matter. If I sit at the wrong table during lunch, or do not keep my eyes constantly scanning, I might miss her. Destiny could slip between my fingers because I was careless. I’m prepared to exhaust myself until I find her.”

If this rings a bell, then it is time to hand the think differently. Think: “If I am called to marriage, then my future wife deserves the best possible husband. But I can’t become that man by moping around until destiny brings me Miss Right.”

So right now embrace this season of singleness. Be there completely. Have you ever had a conversation with someone while your eyes were darting all over and your mind was somewhere else? A few years ago I had a meeting with my university’s president. We spoke in his office for only twenty minutes, but I will never forget how present he was to me. He probably had a million other things to deal with, but he spoke to me as if I were the only person on earth. In the same way, we need to live entirely in the present moment, doing what we are doing, and being completely where we are.

It is easy to waste our youth making a future event or person the cause of our joy. There is nothing wrong with looking forward to marriage, but if anticipation and daydreaming consume us, we become our own worst tormentors, and we do little to build up the world. We can become so preoccupied with regrets about the past and anxieties for the future that we never sit still to enjoy the peace we should enjoy today. We can easily become so concerned with finding Miss Right that we miss out on the joy of the single life.

Do not give in to feelings of despair, but draw near to friends and family if this is a time of loneliness for you. Avoid self-pity. When you feel lonely, reach out to those who are far lonelier than you. Ask yourself: How many homeless people do I know by name? More importantly, look for those who are hungry for love within your own home. By being sensitive to the needs of those under your own roof, you are training yourself to be a better husband. After all, if you can learn to love your family members, you can love anyone on earth!

To find the right one, become the right one. It seems that most single people are more concerned about finding an ideal partner than they are about becoming the ideal partner. Perhaps this explains why they are having such a difficult time in their search. Therefore, become the man you're called to be.

Do not wait for another person to complete you. Some guys think, “Since a wife is supposed to be your better half, I guess I’m only 50 percent complete until I find her. When I find her, she will fill my emptiness and take care of all of my emotional needs.” If this guy finds a girl, it will not be a budding relationship; it will be a hostage situation.

We must be content with who we are as single men before we can be content within a relationship. If you are in high school, realize that few guys meet their future bride during those years. You have plenty of time; there is no need to get into an intense relationship now. Most people find their spouses in college (or later) and do not get married until after graduation.

If you meet a nice young lady, here's an article on how to start things off on the right foot. Meanwhile, if you want to see the advice I offer girls to find good guys, click here.