I got this girl pregnant, and a few months later we ended up breaking up. Now she doesn’t want to talk to me, but I want to be there when the baby is born. What can I do?

As these next months pass by in preparation for the birth of your baby, keep a few things in mind. Having been with my wife through the delivery of our three children, I can tell you that it’s a pretty scary thing for a woman to experience, at least the first time. Childbirth is a major medical procedure, and so a woman will need all the support she can receive as the big day approaches. Although your ex-girlfriend is not exactly opening her arms to welcome you back into her life, there are some things you can do to help smooth that process.

Because she is more or less the gatekeeper of your child, you should do everything in your power to heal your friendship with her. So, what can you do?

For one, write her an apology letter for anything you have done to hurt her. Swallow any pride you may feel, and do this for the sake of making peace. Part of her may feel resentful towards you for putting her in this situation, even if she was just as willing as you were to take the risk. Her life is impacted by a pregnancy far more than yours could ever be, so try to understand where she’s coming from. Your child needs you in his or her life, and sending her an apology letter is one way to open a door towards that. Also, take a deep and honest look at how you have lived since the pregnancy happened and try to figure out if there are other reasons why she wants to isolate herself from you. She’s may have also said or done things she should apologize for as well, but don’t worry about that. Your job is just to remove any obstacles between you and the baby. Her resentment towards you is obstacle number one.

Second, don’t date other girls right now. Doing so will only make her resent you more. If you are already dating someone else, explain to her that you need to focus all your attention on your child right now, and therefore it’s just not the right time for you to be dating. If she doesn’t understand, explain it to her this way: If she were pregnant with your child, would she want you dating someone else? Odds are, she’ll get the point. This will not be an easy thing for you to do, but it is the responsible thing. Now is time to be a dad—not just on the delivery day—but forever.

Third, contact a local crisis pregnancy center in your area, and ask their suggestions as to what you can do for her and for the baby. You can talk to them confidentially and anonymously to get assistance. They may even be able to get you free things like cribs, diapers, formula, and things like that. However, your son or daughter should not have to live off of hand-outs, hand-me-downs, and welfare. Therefore, you should get a job (or a second one) to begin saving money for your child's needs. I am glad to hear that you're manning up and wanting to care for the life you have created. You have taken your pleasure, and now you must take your responsibility.

Should your ex-girlfriend still remain closed to you, you do have the right to take legal action to have visitation rights to spend time with your child. An attorney could help you with this route, should it be necessary. Hopefully, such drastic measures will not be needed.

If your ex sees you taking a compassionate and active approach to her pregnancy, she is more likely to be open to you. This is not to say that you will win her over in a week. It may take months. But because you are a father, you have a lifetime ahead of you. Persevere in conquering her through love.